Visiting the time and back

One bright sunny day in the year 1978, Hogwarts school.

Beside the lake of Hogwarts


















Lily:
Severus wants to teach me what a "Relationship" means. It pretty much surprised me. He and relationship?!! O my!! But as usual I trusted him like I did with my potion lessons. *laughs*

Severus
*walks next to Lily peeking around his shoulder*

Lily
What?! *catches him peeking over and smiles*

Severus
Nothing... It's beautiful around here, isn't it? *pretends to be admiring the view, though is in fact checking they are not been followed*

Lily
*her girl instinct says he is lying but oh well.. she smiles* Yeah indeed. *She has always loved this part of the school, it's so green. It was a sunny day. The weather was nicely warm. Lily sighed in contentment*

Severus
So, you wanted to know what I know about relationships...

Lily
*shrugs* Yes as you said you'd teach me. *chuckles*

Severus
*fights against panicking* Well yes... I didn't actually mean I'd teach you... I mean, I couldn't... *starts to stammer slightly* I mean I shouldn't... *collects himself and tries to act more self-assured way* I thought you wanted to know what I could teach about relationships... And I know what everybody thinks, that I know nothing about them, but I do.

Lily
*laughs in amusement* Easy there! Do you remember in our childhood in Spinners End, we used to walk and play around a lake? I remember making a pony tail with your hair. *burst out laughing.*

Severus
Yes... *is still deep in thought*
But you asked, so... I'll tell you... I know a lot about bad relationships, about things no-one should ever have to see, hear or experience... I also know, that one should be loyal, respecting and... *his voice starts to fade as he feels he has talked too much*

Lily
*she was gulping down his words, so mature, more than anyone she knows of her age. Suddenly he paused* And? *gulps*

Severus
*almost whispering now* ...and tender... *reaches to touch slightly Lily's hand with his fingertips* ...and loving...

Lily
*Bits her lip lightly and then releases. Feels her body shaking with his whispers and finally at the union of their hands. She rests her eyes on his deep dark wells in between the silky curtains of hair. Let their eyes be united for the first time..."

Severus
*gasps in disbelief and interwines his slender fingers tighter amongst hers*

Lily
*A pair of emerald green eyes scanned the face in front of her. She brushes a strand of red hair from her face. The faintest breeze seemed to pass through her, and it whispered something to her, like a voice in a dream. She is going naive as his fingers tightens around hers*

Severus
*feeling he is totally drowning in the depths of those beautiful, magically green eyes he leans a little bit toward her, loweres his face and, still keeping their eyecontact, he brushes a gentle and slightly unsure kiss on her rosy lips*

Lily
*every bit of her.. started shaking with an unexpected union of their souls. Taking the bliss she closed her eyes before lightly touching his chin. She returns the kiss.*

Severus
*deepening the kiss he draws her warm and soft feminine body closer to him, he smells the delicate scent of her hair and skin and it affects him intoxicating way*

Lily
*Surrendering completely to the bliss, she brings her hand softly to the back of his head, and kisses him deeply. She's never felt so numb, and yet so alive in her entire life.*

Severus
*feeling his arousal heighten and afraid it would soon be known by her too, he starts reluctantly pull of from her arms*

Uhm... sorry Lily, I... I hope you won't be mad at me... I... did I... did you...

*struggling a horrible inner battle between his need to be close to her, to hold her, to kiss her more deeply and more passionately he had ever even dreamed of, and his need to behave honourable with the young woman he respected, admired and... wanted more than anything*

Lily
*She slightly felt taken aback as he pulled off the kiss and then started to wonder why he was begging pardon. Was it the reason because he actually didn't want to kiss or was it because he thinks its not right?! She scanned his face once again but this time for her answer. She looks slightly hurt and with a feeble voice she asks* Why would I be mad at you? *frowns* I'm sorry if I did something wrong *slowly lowers down her eyes at the ground, having the decency to look ashamed*

Severus
No, *her words starting to sunken in* NO! You didn't do anything wrong, not at all... it's just... I thought that maybe I was too insolent, to assault you like that... You have every right to be mad at me... I just couldn't... *notices the look on her face and thinks it's because she is sorry and maybe even disgusted with what had happened*

Lily
*she looked up at him* You didn't assault me nor was it insolent. *Continues gazing at him so he could read her. Being an occulment he has some privileges, so lets be it; she wants him to read her mind.*

Severus
*wild in amazement he sunkens once again in her eyes that she so willingly offers for him to read - flashes of their previous encounter start surfacing in her mind, mind so open and trusting...* Oh Lily... You... you actually liked it? *his voice almost trembling because of a surge of an unrecognized emotion stirring inside his soul*

Lily
*She marveled at his reaction! Little tinge of blush creeps onto her cheeks as she smiles in reply. It feels as though thousands of butterflies flying around in stomach, it was such a beautiful sensation . Even the sun seems to be shining in different color* It was perfect *she replies in a low audible voice with a smile etched on her face.*

Severus
*wide, happy smile starts slowly lighten up his face* It was? *he whispers more to himself, to his own assurance, than to her ears* You are perfect, Lily. *he says beaming like a just polished golden Galleon*

Lily
*blushes even more but for just a fraction of a second. She gains her composure quickly* I knew you could be marvelous as a legilimense. I am happy that you are more skilled than anyone of our age...*whispers* that makes you completely noticeable.

Severus
Shhh... *he presses his index finger gently on her lips, because her words made him feel joyful but embarrassed, he's not used to being praised and doesn't know how to relate to it... her lips feel so very soft and sweet under his touch that he wants to kiss her again, "she did like it earlier, didn't she", he ponders*

Lily
*Smiles a little as he stops her with the gentle touch of his slender fingertips.
She could see in his eyes that he rather enjoyed it when she praised him and moreover touching her lips. The thought made her blush even more than before. Suddenly feeling a rush of affection, she gently brushes a tiny little kiss onto his finger. She didn't know why, but she just had to do it.*

Severus
*that tiny kiss seems to roll everything upside down inside him... he feels as if a fiery dragon was spinning in his lower abdomen... he looks at her slightly blushed cheeks and starts to feel very light and heavy at the same time... he puts his other hand gently to a back of her head and takes a surprisingly firm grip to her chin, then he pulls her face closer to his and dives into the deep and passionate kiss*

Lily
*Suddenly her mind stops taking constant note of the situation. Suddenly nothing did matter. He came and placed a firm yet gentle kiss onto her lips. The divine bliss seems to have paused the moment. She kisses him deeply and more passionately. The first kiss in her life! "Does a 'relationship' mean such a beautiful union of two souls?" She didn't bother to think. Suddenly all her concerns seemed to have stopped by the amorous kiss. The moment seemed like eternity.*

Happy Birthday Lily!

Merline! Toady at the ministry they all came with a big round cake! Moody, Potter, Longbottom and more. Remus, Severus, Alice and Mary planned to spend the day at the 'Illuminated Dungeon' of my mansion. I agreed on their small gathering/party whatever and invited Rosmerta too but the information was quite  secret. We were suppose to have a diner at my dungeon. How on earth everybody recalled my birthday? Especially Moody! I don't want him to assign me with more work because I sense that he will. It must be Potter who couldn't help but to spread the news of my birthday to get my attention (yes, I regretfully believe so). Alice potioned him yesterday so that he would forget my birthday but it seems she has failed miserably. I usually don't celebrate my birthday with so many people in my working place, cake, sweets and such. Only a few close friends and my sister Petunia (though I don't think she enjoys being around my wizard friends) are on my list.  Now here they are, standing gleefully in front of me with cake, candies and sweets on the table. Gosh!  I might deal with Potter later but for now I will not refuse the love of my fellow ministry people. So, thank you all my friends and happy birthday to me!!!!

Nightmare before Christmas- Sally's song

I like Sally and this song very much. So I thought to keep it in my magical diary.

Stillness

Have you ever been in a condition when you are trying to reach a conclusion where as the whole thing is ambiguous? Well, there has been too much soul searching going on for my own good lately. The card cast doubt on everything and what not, its not encouraging me to have an open discussion. Instead, my lips are sealed and my questions buried inside me – it's no wonder that I'm shying away and I feel somewhat under the weather... blimey! It reminds me of few lines from Tagore's poem called "Stillness "-

There is a point where in the mystery of

existence contradictions meet;

where movement is not all movement

and stillness is not all stillness;

where the idea and the form,

the within and the without, are united;

where infinite becomes finite,

yet not losing its infinity.

Fumbling with Latin Words

Dear diary,
Sorry about yesterday, it was quite a post but hey.. I was extremely sick and tired. Anyhow, I'm back to you, feeling much stronger (I know I'm just amazing haha!).
So, I've been working all day with this thousand pieces of parchment full of Latin scriptures.


Its about some new defensive spells and potions formulae. A worth mentioning fact is, you not only have to mutter those spell but you just have to sing them! Isn't it hilarious to sing while you are in a battle field?!! Whoever invented those spells is a mad-genius! I'm afraid I can't write them here in case the wrong people invade through my diary (which they very likely will do). Just because I had found the magical book the ministry chose me to do the tiring job and Merlin's pants! I feel like this clumsy girl Bella Swan. Well clumsiness is cute though but not with 'words'!! I literally am fumbling. Never knew I'd be so clumsy with words!! The hard days work has turned my vision blur and mind all foggy. I fear if I become a real clumsy person because of the bleariness I have now. Words are so powerful sometimes.

Being in 'Safe Mode'

Dear diary.
This is the first time I'm writing to you and what an agony, I'm in a 'safe mode' like a computer. not that I compare myself with one but.. oh well. Let me explain, I feel extremely week from sleeping less hours, eating as much of less food as possible because I don't have the appetite like I used to have. As a consequence, my head spins, I have no strength at all, can't think at a proper pace not to mention I look like a zombie for the lack of sleep. Reasons for the dilemma are many. For instance, I've been haunted by deadlines by the ministry that its harder to breath. Its almost impossible to do something to satisfy my own need but others; annoying responsibility of decision making when your mind is all tired and mystified, when its obvious that you'll have to sacrifice your own choice for others. Because you have the decency not to be selfish with people, right? Recently I've learnt a strange but new thing (at least new to me): when you love someone you can bow to the person even if he/she is actually being selfish with you. You accept their decision, throw a huge smile at them just to show your support and hide how you feel. You willingly keep your choice secret from them, though you feel excruciating pain inwardly. These things are suffocating me, evaporating my mental and physical strength out of me. I used to be a strong woman but now I feel like a house elf with no right to express my opinion. Is this a bad luck run? No idea, I've always been horrible at Divinatiion. So... where was I? (See that's how I lose my track these days.), ok yes, I was saying that I should focus on taking care of myself than my surroundings, works and people that I care for. Someone shouldn't care for others too much that it becomes threatening for his/her own existence. But.. I don't know how to do so. I can't love myself more than the ones I love most, can I? Seems like I'm walking in a circle to reach an edge but that's just impossible unless a real miracle happens. Blimey! This is the 'safe mode' I'm in.