Being in 'Safe Mode'

Dear diary.
This is the first time I'm writing to you and what an agony, I'm in a 'safe mode' like a computer. not that I compare myself with one but.. oh well. Let me explain, I feel extremely week from sleeping less hours, eating as much of less food as possible because I don't have the appetite like I used to have. As a consequence, my head spins, I have no strength at all, can't think at a proper pace not to mention I look like a zombie for the lack of sleep. Reasons for the dilemma are many. For instance, I've been haunted by deadlines by the ministry that its harder to breath. Its almost impossible to do something to satisfy my own need but others; annoying responsibility of decision making when your mind is all tired and mystified, when its obvious that you'll have to sacrifice your own choice for others. Because you have the decency not to be selfish with people, right? Recently I've learnt a strange but new thing (at least new to me): when you love someone you can bow to the person even if he/she is actually being selfish with you. You accept their decision, throw a huge smile at them just to show your support and hide how you feel. You willingly keep your choice secret from them, though you feel excruciating pain inwardly. These things are suffocating me, evaporating my mental and physical strength out of me. I used to be a strong woman but now I feel like a house elf with no right to express my opinion. Is this a bad luck run? No idea, I've always been horrible at Divinatiion. So... where was I? (See that's how I lose my track these days.), ok yes, I was saying that I should focus on taking care of myself than my surroundings, works and people that I care for. Someone shouldn't care for others too much that it becomes threatening for his/her own existence. But.. I don't know how to do so. I can't love myself more than the ones I love most, can I? Seems like I'm walking in a circle to reach an edge but that's just impossible unless a real miracle happens. Blimey! This is the 'safe mode' I'm in.